So, I've never posted a journal here...

I have in places such as Myspace, LiveJournal, etc. But mainly here on DA, I kind of figure, no one's really paying attention, I submit work sparsely, and really, my work's just not all that good. It's more a diversion than anything, and the bulk of my time is spent here being in awe of other people's talent.

But the talent of other people is helping me in a pretty big way lately.

See, I'm a musician. Have been for twenty-two years. And as of this Wednesday, I'm now classified as a deaf musician.

On the morning of Friday, September 19th, I awoke to what felt like a rather blocked up right ear. No sound was getting through, and a constant ringing was present. I have been treated for impaction in my ear before, so I figured it was the same thing. Off to work I went, and that evening, when I was not able to get into my Primary Care Physician, I went to the emergency room, where my ear was irrigated and I was sent on my way.

Over that weekend, I attended a beautiful wedding for a rather dear friend of mine, cleaned my apartment, made some phone calls (with the good ear), and slept on the couch a lot. My right ear, unfortunately, was not any better, and in fact had gotten worse.

That Monday, I went to my PCP for a visit, and it was decided that my sinuses were the culprit. I was placed on Nasonex and sent on my merry way, with a referral to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist the following week.

My nasal passages were drier than dry, and if I sneezed, dust came out. I haven't had relief like that in years! Except, I still could not hear anything, and my ear was still blocked up.

I managed to get a LITTLE hearing back after playing a show on Friday of that week, one week to the day of absolutely no sound whatsoever passing through my right ear. There was encouragement in that, but the fact that I was still not better was disheartening.

My appointment with the specialist was this past Wednesday. I was given a hearing test and checked out to be just a slight step above clinically deaf in my right ear (had I gone the week before, I would have been TOTALLY deaf in my right ear by the hearing test's standards). The diagnosis for my hearing loss is a condition known as Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss. Simply put, the nerve in my ear stopped working overnight. It's a condition that is rare (only 4000 people a year are stricken with it in the United States, and lucky me got to be one of them), has no known cause, and most often goes undiagnosed, as most common tests for hearing and ear problems aren't standardized to test for the condition. Loud music doesn't cause the problem, being male or female doesn't cause the problem, being hit in the head from a shitty shitty Nickelback CD being thrown from a car window in disgust doesn't cause the problem, it just simply happens for no known reason.

The GOOD news about it, is that I have been placed on a Prednisone taper, and I do seem to be responding well to that, and have regained some of my hearing back. Whether or not I'll get it ALL back remains to be seen, because just as the condition hits random people with no reason, the effects of it can't be predicted either; some people get all of their hearing back, some people get some of their hearing back, some people just get progressively worse. The fact that I've gotten some of my hearing back, I'm told, is good news, though, because while there's no way of knowing if I will be totally better, there's little chance of total hearing loss for those that regain hearing with this condition.

That being said, I think it goes without saying that things with the music, while they will not stop, are probably going to be slow for a little bit while I manage this. Even if it means I have to live with an amount of hearing loss, I do promise that I WILL NOT STOP PLAYING MUSIC as a result of this. I'm in it for the long haul to get better, even if getting better simply means retraining myself for the way I hear things. True, I play music because I like to and want to, but more over I play music because I NEED to. It's who I am, and how I define myself first and foremost as a person.

The new record will still be worked on and out sooner than later, shows will still happen, waves will still lick the beach, and birds will still fly in the sky.

BUT, in the mean time, the work that I've seen here has provided me with quite a bit of inspiration to keep up with my craft and get back to what I do. Art is art, be it music, photography, or otherwise. And you don't ALWAYS get inspiration from the source of your craft to work within your craft.

So, for all the work that the lot of you create that I watch, I thank you for the inspiration. I'll try to be more vocal in my enthusiasm from now on.